World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day

 In the picture with my son I was suffering bulimia, felt suicidal, was being attacked regularly, physically and mentally by my husband and no one knew. (Apart from my poor children).

Shortly after that photo I was put on antidepressants and from then to now I have put on lots of weight and feel about 40yrs older.

You see the abuse didn’t end when I left my abuser. For the last 3yrs I have dealt with court, and no funds for a solicitor, PTSD and solo parenting 4 mentally scarred children.

My relationship with my abuser was short but it was extreme and life changing.

In the present day I’m no longer needing mental health support and I’m healthy and well, mentally and physically, but I do look at these pictures and feel sad at what those 6yrs have done to mine and my children’s body and mind.

I know many of you will have a similar timeline of photos and you will be facing so many struggles on a daily basis. You will probably sit and think back to calmer times, when you had more freedom and felt more useful.

I have no advice to offer and no magical solution. No top tips from me today.

I just want you to know that I do what I do because I want something better for the families I support. I want that because I know how horrible it can feel to be trapped and lost and broken by others and the systems.

I know what it’s like to be gaslighted and to call the police on someone you love. I know what it’s like to face court alone and to try every moment to keep the show on the road for your kids, whilst having panic attacks and breaking down in tears constantly. I know what it’s like to have put my kids at risk by allowing them to be around my attacker and I know what it’s like to parent in a way that I am not now proud of.

I don’t share feelings. I don’t like hugging others. I don’t like to cry, but I do like to find solutions to problems. That’s how I’ve always seen it. I move forward and I try to improve, day by day. Even if only in a tiny way, I seek out problems and I try to solve them.

If anyone needs any mental health support please know I am here and would never judge. Just messenger me and I can signpost or offer a kind word.

I have felt so alone in the past. So secretive and scared. The only way forward for me was to break the silence.

Much love and joy to you all today and always.